The Zoo 1: Unborn/The Zoo 1 - Unborn.adf/ARTICLES/Globe.txt

Text File | 1992-10-23 | 6KB | 127 lines

@H@2FASCINATING FACTS FROM AROUND THE GLOBE
@A@2Kult & Jude
@FHcolossal08
@FApearl08
@FMprime08
{2@1
1Here a list of 100% true facts. I mean TRUE. No fiction. Fiction is for
1friction. Fiction is shit. Fact rules. The world is a global information
1superhighway commuting the skylines and bilines and silly little lines with
1News and Facts and all thing true. And I never lied... ever. Are you accusing
1me ? Are you starting ? Hu Hu Hu ? Shit your bigger than me I'm off.
1
1And now some FACTS and I MEAN FACTS...
{1@4
4In 1977 a man grew his beard to an astounding 59m. Chuck Zeberbetter of Panky
4Springs USA later died by beard suffocation.
4
4Jelly babies in Kingston, Jamaica are fashioned in the form of Mucha Ade, an
4ancient tribal god. It is said that Mucha will give you 4 days bad luck if
4you ever bite his lower half off first.
4
4In Spain, bread is known as Wet Diorah.
4
4Andy Norris from Preston once boasted that he could induce any bodily
4function at just a thought. This was never prooved, but on his death bed he
4left an amazing collection of bodily excretions.
4
4In Spain, if you went into a shop and asked for `Pork Pies` you would be
4giving a firm shaft up the rectum and told to `habmmle femmb`.
{4@3
3A CAX disk drive is equivilant in speed to a man of thin build farting.
3
3In Madrid, the capital of Spain, if you were to go into a swimming pool and
3`shit`, you would be given a ticket and asked to wait in line.
{3@4
4In France, just off the border of Spain, you are not allowed to urinate
4freely, whereas if you were a couple of metres away in Spain you could
4urinate on passers by in France.
4
4A bouncer at a top London club published a book on self defence in street
4brawls. It told you how to defend yourself against kinfes and broken bottles
4with just your barefists. The author is a karate blackbelt and his book
4retails at a mere £14.99. a second volume is also avalible. See page 143 of
4Amiga Format for further details. The advert can be found next to the `how
4to buils muscles fast' and `how to attract large breasted woman with scunk
4piss in a can'.
4
4The school I used to go to was originally built by NASA in a secret American
4location, it was then transported from there to be tested at Surius 6 for
4102 years to see wether it could withstand the beating. It never returned yet
4we still went there for lessons...  Nobody knows how ?
{4@3
3My Auntie Venessa is a prostitute.
3
3So is uncle Sid, her pimp.
3
3I am not, so don't ask for a hand job.
3
3A farmer in East Suxxex was found dead when several of his farmer-friends
3found him with the milking machine cunningly adapted to suit his needs.
3`No comment` say the friends,`Can we have it next` say the media.
{3@4
4Some people, when they `go`, they flush it away,ahhhhh, bet you didn`t know
4that, eh.
4
4The average British adult male, of reasonable firmness looses an astonishing
422 tons of skin a year. If this was placed into some kind of compression
4chamber it could be recycled, for the good of the planet, in the form of
4special flacky handbags and lampshades. Another waste of the worlds many
4natural resources. Just think if we put our mind to it we could recycle
4everything that drops from our bodies.
{4@4
4The `interactive media` is also known as `vibrator`.
4
4Les Dennis is actualy his old partner Dustin Gee in disguise. In reality
4Dennis died and Gee made the relevent corpse alterations within a secret
4section of the mortuary. Dust was suffering from dangerously low underpant
4pressure at the time and the elastic caused all the blood to rush to his
4right elbow.
4
4Ringing 0898 77557788 can seriously put a smile on your face.
{4@3
3Dennis The Menace is also know as Crevis The male with his bollocks in his
3knees.
{3@4
4Interestingly enough Mickey Mouse is known as Rectum the Rat in countries
4where the word mouse translates as Misey. Unfortunately the word Misey is
4also the very same word used to mean somebody of diiminuative stature and so
4for hightest reasons we refrain from reffering to Rectum as a little bloke.
4
4The Power light on this computer isn`t working. The `z` key on this computer
4isn`t working (have you seen any z`s), thatz all we need.
{4@3
3Chumpy Clansarotus of Hill Ground High City Village, USA complained to his
3local doctor Wille E Handerhoffon Jnr that he had bad stomach pain. On
3further examernation Wille found that Chumpy's genatalia had actualy curved
3round a staggering 256 degrees and was pressing hard on Chumpy's belly button
3inducing fake stomach pains.
{3@4
4Grange Hill isn`t as good as it used to be.
4
4Amiga Format has never been good.
{4@3
3Did anyone ever see the ITV version of Robocop (you mean mutha crusher.. why
3me, why me.. You freaking airhead).
3
3Harvy Z Zimmermanxofenstuckbard III of Junky Tunky Chaz and Dave are Funky
3Ville, Pigenbarkenfuckenoffen Town, USA lived solely off his own urine. "Its
3full of good nutritious proteins" he claimed. Each time he sucked up his piss
3(often fizzed with soda stream) in a large straw it got pailer and pailer as
3it had been round his body so many times. Eventualy Harvy's fine tuned bodily
3system removed all the yellow and he was left drinking pure gin. His mother
3Mrs Gertrude P Klangerbangervirginhanger (remarried to Sid) said she had
3tried to ween her son onto solids, but she couldn't stop him taking the piss.
{3@1
1** I have nothing against Spain, in fact its one of my fave holiday resort
1places ** Neither have I
1
1SHIT I'M A SKITSOPHRENIC AND I CAN'T EVEN SPELL IT.
1
1OH YES YOU CAN
{1@7
7ARGHHHHHH
{7@1
1HA HA YOU MEAN MUTHA CRUSHER.
X0*]